boys in sweatpants with no underwear god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference amen
I’m 19 years old, I work 65 hours a week just trying my hardest to be the person I want to be in life. I wake up 5 days a week at 8am to nanny for a 19 month old little girl; I chase and chase and do nothing but try to make her happy all day long. From there it doesn’t get much better; I bartend or waitress all night long to come home to a boyfriend who I feel I am ruining our relationship. I cannot remember the last time I had a home cooked meal, besides the all too common spaghettios at 10 o’clock just to make my stomach stop hurting. I get one morning and one night off each week, never on the same day. I do laundry on my morning off and sit around doing nothing on my one night because it’s just some random mid week night. I go out every Friday and Saturday at 11pm and get drunk. I don’t drink to have fun or be with friends but just to forget my pathetic life. I smoke and do drugs not as a hobby but to have a small few hours of not being me, the over worked shitty girlfriend and family member I am. My family thinks I don’t come around enough and all I do is ask for things, making me a terrible person. But what they don’t realize is that I sit here and work myself sicker than the average person just to get myself into school and have a life they are going to be proud of me for. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. 6 hours of sleep a night and working so much to have no money eats away at me every day and I feel like at this point I’m going to lose my family. I feel as if all I have left is my boyfriend, and I don’t even feel like he’ll be there to put up with me for much longer. No one will.
one time I was really high and took a hot bath and I closed my eyes and imagined myself as a noodle floating in hot soup